I am often quite worried about my need to please. My need to always appear involved, interested, competent, capable... and though I sometimes play up to the opposite - I would be truly crushed if people really had a negative perception of me.
I know, as I enter these last few years of my 30s I really should have come to terms with WHO I am, irrespective of the perceptions of others. But, I haven't.
I find it hard to say "No". (Unless saying NO will help others perceive me as a sensible, level-headed individual)
I find it hard to shirk responsibility.
I find it hard to quit (hence I am still completing a blog entry for each day - which has now been going since April in some form or fashion)
I am molded by what others think - of course, this does depend on the "standing" that I 'give' that person - if you are a true nutter I couldn't give a rat's.
But mostly I try to please. Make sensible choices.
So today, with 4 hours sleep under my belt (I'll fill you in later - maybe) and doing the single-mum, 2 kids routine, I made a choice which rather surprised me.
Kate has a very tight breakfast routine on week days. It is usually a 'breakfast bar' followed by yoghurt. Once this is done, she will generally eat anything which is not moving. But the start, the fragile start, to each morning cannot vary.
Unless you have NO breakfast bars.
What about toast? NO
Toast with jam? NO
Toast with vegemite? NO
Baked Beans? NO
I walked away. I couldn't have my girl going to Childcare without breakfast, hungry... what would they think?
What about chilli biscuits and cheese? A cheeky, broad smile - as this is something which is often requested, but always denied.
And so, she ate Chilli Rice crackers with processed cheese on top.
In front of the TV,
in the lounge,
on the couch for that matter!
She had food in her tummy.
She was happy.
We got in the car on time.
I don't care what you think!
"Never judge a man's actions until you know his motives"